Thoughts While Waiting on the Train Platform: On Anxiety

July 13, 2014

School Was My Hustle Part II: Work Flow

July 13, 2014

Birthday Post: 24th Year

July 13, 2014
anxiety
workflow
bday
1st Birthday pictures;  delightful ensemble
Me & My Makers

Growing up, my mother went all out for our birthdays. Much like Christmas, birthdays in our home were an extravaganza. You opened the door to your bedroom in the morning and you could look down at your feet and see and array of gifts. Rushing down the steps to the kitchen you could expect the entire counter to be covered with gifts, pictures and birthday memorabilia. My mother always showed us (and told us) that we were loved and that she was thankful that we were alive. Daddy would always top off the day with a delicious wad of cash. (African Dad style.) Though we are two years apart in age, sister and I have birthdays that are ten days apart. When we were younger, mama would throw us a huge joint bday BBQ at our house, there was tons of food, family, games and fun. (Along with two separate and elaborately decorated sheet cakes.) As we got older, we started doing separate things (American Girl Place, Six Flags, Chuckie Cheese, Haunted Trails, lunches, dinners, movies, shopping etc.) July must have been a foolish and exhausted month for my mama but, she never let on that it was.

1997  7th Birthday

The summer I turned 16, I was away at Yale University for a summer program. It was the first time id ever been away from my family. When we discussed me attending the program, my mom was nervous about me not having the Sweet 16 that she thought I expected. I was unbothered i could taste the freedom. I was having the time of my little black life. The morning of my sixteen birthday, my roommates and friends surprised me with decorations  and gifts. Later on, I was lounging about the courtyard when I looked up to see a man dressed as a clown with an array if balloons and a delicious ass cake. Only my mother could pull of something so elaborate from half a country away. It was the perfect end to one of the best summer of my life. The last birthday that I spent with my mom was the summer I turned 20. We celebrated in her hospital room…. Less than a month later she was gone.

Sweet 16……um apparently I thought I was cute
This is the cake that the man stalked me to give me. It was SOOOOOO GOOOD. Yes I’m greedy and I still remember

My following two birthdays were lovely and eventful. Daddy, sister and I made the best of our situation and my family and friends were always on call to celebrate.

Last year tho.. Last year was not good.  I was over everyone and everything. My dad had passed the previous February, I’d recently ended a relationship and it was just all bad. I spent most of the day alone. I went to BK to a friends place who was gracious enough to try and cheer me up by baking a delicious cobbler but the night turned shitty very quickly when George Zimmerman went acquitted. I went home and went to bed. Thankful to be done with the dreadful day. Clearly those were signs that I was mildly depressed and didn’t really even realize it.

Despite all of that nonsense my twenty-third year was good to me. I can whine about trivial things that occurred that don’t matter much now anyway, over all tho I have no complaints. I woke up this morn with a smile on my face 🙂 got some work done, had brunch and ventured off to spend my birthday coupons. ‘Twas glorious”. (I’m also preparing my spirit to see queen Bey next weekend.)  My moto has always been “turn down” so I’m presently chillin in my apartment and watching a PBS doc on “Freedom Summer”.

Birthdays definitely aren’t what they use to be… But then again I suppose that’s the nature of growing up. I will say one thing tho, I’m so happy and grateful to be here and to be doing well.

From a now one year older
Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxox