Much like nineteen or twenty-three, twenty-four years of life seems lack luster as fu*k. I suppose I am officially kind of an adult because I make my own dental appointments and I had to take care of myself a couple of weeks ago when I come down with strep throat and a crippling sinus infection. I also had to call 311 that time I thought I smelled gas in my apartment. Other than that, I’m just taking it day by day, one humiliating fall on the subway and tragic use of the bench press at a time.
But suppose I have learned a thing or two in this life of mine, especially since graduating from college. I’ll be twenty-five in five months so obviously I barely know anything but here are some things I know for sure. You can agree or disagree or whatever, it’s your black ass life. Here are some of the highlights:
25: Never let a man walk off with all your stuff. Please refer to this blog entry
24. Always keep a bottle of solid deodorant in your purse during the summer. Since we can’t all prevent our thighs from rubbing together, the sacred deodorant will save your thundery lusciousness from chaffing.
|Also your things will smell delightful
23: Reading is fundamental. Now I realize I read a lot more than the “average” person. Most of the novels I read are about sexy times but I do read a “real” book every couple of weeks or so. Anyway this is all to say if you meet someone who doesn’t read, be suspicious.
22. Don’t try a nail place that you hated the first time a second time because you’re still going to hate it, and its still going to be overpriced.
21. I’ve accepted that I can no longer tolerate weave sewn into my head. Either it shall be braids or a wig or it will be nothing.
20. Student loan payments are the devil and will kill your joy.
19. Delete your credit card information off of Seamless/GrubHub. If you really want take out you will have to manually type in the info each time and quite frankly I’ve never been that hungry.
18. Sometimes Janet Jackson’s Velvet Rope Tour, Love Jones, The Notebook and Love and Basketball are all you need to get by .
|I’ve watched this concert 1,000 times since I was a kid and it will NEVER be enough
17. Alcohol isn’t as much fun as food and I’m ok with that. Food is everything. It is earth, wind and fire.
16. There always must be brunch!! If you ain’t brunchin u ain’t living. (IHOP is life)
15. Water is the elixir of life. Like for real, it will keep the skin sickening and the tummy flat(ish).
14. NYC Grocery stores are terrible places and FreshDirect is the cure.
13. I take a sick sadistic pleasure in getting the hair waxed off my neither regions once monthly and I don’t have to explain myself to you.
12. Pedicures and baths are Gods gifts to woman.
11. I’m not ok with childbirth. NO GOD.
10. I’m not a fan of overnight guests or people in my apartment in general and that’s fine. I pay the rent I don’t gotta explain.
9. I’ve given up on online dating. Its definitely a massive pool of the craziest people you will ever meet (Getting kind of stood up twice in one weekend is all it takes.)
8.When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
7. The actor who plays Harvey Specter on Suitsshould have played Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey.
|I mean LOOK!! Meanwhile I must look at tiny ass Jamie whathisname
6. Exercise can be enjoyable, as long as you like what you’re doing. (Crossfit and other boot camps are a smooth NO MA’AM) Running and Zumba are a delight.
5. “Interested men act interested”- Demetria Lucas D’Oyley
4. Some white people will never get it and you don’t need to waste another breath attempting to explain. Let them watch Friends and continue to be oblivious.
3. I both hate and am obsessed with kids.
2. TRAVEL NOW!!! RIGHT NOW!!! Not later but NOW. (I have some AMAZING TRIPS for 2015 planned omg so excited)
1. I’m running out of fucks to give. (Sister has always lived gloriously with such an outlook.) Meanwhile I’ve always struggled with managing my feeling with other people’s feeling and expectations. Something must have happened because these days I care not! Perhaps its something that has come with age or wisdom or perhaps I‘m simply depleted.
Anyway, like I said I barely know anything at all but those are twenty-five things I know with absolute certainty…at least for the time being.
xoxoox Chocolate Girl in the City xoxoxoxo