|My home for three out of my four years in undergrad
Let me just begin by saying that for everyone who cussed me out for not posting a blog in months I’m deeply sorry. I was going through some ish so please refrain from throwing shade. So lets begin clocking the ways that is the foolery of my life:
* DISCLAIMER: In this post I will read some people like a book, however, due to the fact that my diploma has not been mailed out yet I have changed the names or just omitted them”
This all started the day I got into Columbia University for grad school (March 23rd) to be exact. I got my life that day and even though I was second in command for my building (Resident Assistant at a freshman dorm), I decided to go hang with my peeps. It was super lowkey, we laughed, talked we chilled, we laughed at a certain Asian boy’s choice in music. I acted foolish smacked some people on the ass and then promptly along with the rest of my RA crew took my Black ass to bed. Now let me be really real, there was alcohol present but I’m of age and so were 95% of the people there. Others who were present drank water or just chilled. Once again, super lowkey no drama, just some Friday night fuckery.
Fast forward two weeks. As an RA we were subjected to a weekly meeting so we could be chastised about what all we are doing wrong and other bullshit like that. In Hayden, our most favorite part of these meetings are something we do called kudos. Typically they are inside jokes from one RA to another about some shitty ass situation that we had to deal with earlier in the week or the weekday before.
Let me give you some examples about the shit that went down:
People passing out move in day from alcohol poisoning in the elevator, the elevator is continually closing on your body but you are too shitfaced to even stir
Watching a girl’s uterus practically fall out of her vagina (Seriously it was foul I thought she was having a miscarriage)
Walking in on orgies
Having to wear a plastic bag in an ambulance at 4am so that a resident doesn’t projectile vomit on you.
Having to go to the hospital in the middle of the night (during the week) for bullshit thing (ie: headaches, menstrual cramps, contact lenses scratches just to name a few)
Like for eal have you been to fuckin BELLVUE?!!!! (Its the psychiatric hospital and also the one where all prisoners and homeless go :/)
So anyway back to the meeting. So that particular week this is what was said that sparked this whole thing
|These are the actual kudos that were written. THIS IS IT!!! SERIOUSLY
So for whatever reason because we said these things, not having anything to do with alcohol, our nosey ass bosses just had to know what was going on and they set out on a witch hunt that ended with ten RA’s (myself included) losing their jobs.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering why did we even say these things if our bosses were such hard asses? Why risk it? Let’s dive into the relationships we had with our bosses.
Now I was an RA for two years. Last year I had bosses they were dope we had no problems we had no issues. Now this year they hire two new people. I think they’re cool at first. I’m a warm fuzzy ball of trash so I acted like myself trying to make them feel warm and welcomed. Now I must say myself that I’m pretty much an open book but I do know how to be professional. I personally chose to just follow the direction of my bosses. Day 2 of training, we’re sitting over dinner having a convo about anal sex! Over the course of the semesters, we learn about our RHD’s dildo, he wanted to know about our business so much so that he hounded me for information whenever I saw him going as far as to lock my phone as he tries to break into it. (I also personally think he sexually suggestive with some residents and one of my really good friends, but that’s for another day and another dollar). His lack of professionalism does not even begin to cover the asinine behavior of my RHAD. Our entire staff knew of her middle of the night sexual exploits to the point that we knew where she met these dudes, if they strapped up, had girlfriends, what time they came through etc. She has also peed on herself in front of us because she got so flustered when the copy machine went haywire But all that doesn’t matter because we got our asses handed to us because were were being 20-23 years old letting off steam.
I won’t get into what else went down because I am writing this retrospectively and I don’t really give to much of a f**** anymore. But alas this whole interrogation dragged out for weeks and weeks. Tears were spilled, people were cussed out, scholarships lost, more alcohol had, people quit. (I dropped 6 lbs, which I’m rather pleased about).
So the worst part of the entire situation was the day before we all got fired. The head of Student life shall I call him Mike Vice and the other dude in charge Tim Fellet. Came and rambled on and on about how disappointed they were in us so on and so forth. Now Mr. Fellet is delusional, he pretends to be a life coach but he tells us inappropriate things about his children like, how one failed out of freshman year of school so on and so forth. I also think its strange that a grown man and his family still live in housing (like his whole family including his mama). He also thinks drinking alcohol is morally wrong therefore he’s essentially living with his head up his ass working for a school like NYU. Please proceed to Brigham Young, where evangelical Christians can go to judge others. But alas like I already knew ole boy was strange so whatever….. (He also thought it was appropriate to tweet about the situation while it was happening.)
But let’s get into Mike Vice. This pathetic bastard whom we had never talked to before in our lives came to scream at us about how when we decided to be RA’s we made lifestyle choices (Um excuse me that was never in my contract) and how he was outraged and so forth. I’d just like to add for humors sake that the man looks like a giant penis.
Now listen very closely because here’s is the rub on this mf which I’ve gotten from an extremely reliable source…. this same man Mr. Vice who questioned our morality as young adults has been carrying on illicit affairs for the past few years. First with a graduate student ( Um I’m pretty sure that’s breaking his work contract) and currently with a woman who works in student life. He is married and he has been using NYU housing in order to get down. ***SIDE EYE**** I soo wish I had gotten this information when he was yelling at us because I would have laid his shit bare. So please Mr. Vice, please feel free to question my moral integrity for NOT writing up my grown friends 🙂 I take comfort in knowing just what a low down dirty dog you are, and I pity your wife who must be a complete idiot.
Anyway like I said, ten of us out of twelve who were present got fired over something so small and pathetic just like the people who hunted us down. But now you know the truth. Did we make a lapse in judgment SURE BEANS. Do I regret it? HELL NO. One of the best nights of my life at NYU and though I had to leave my babies behind with three weeks left in the school year. I got more sleep that I’ve had in years and I moved to a lovely quite dorm where both elevators worked. For those that have judged, questioned and speculated over the past month and a half or so please feel free to pick which part of my ass you’d like to kiss because I still got two years of NYU housing free <3.
So run and tell that
xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxox
PS. I guess its true what they say when you go to a private school you give up all of your rights.