If you know me, then you know I don’t do waiting because I don’t have patience. This means that long drawn out plane rides are the bane of my Black ass existence. Prior to going to Paris, my longest plane ride was to LA to see Sister. The entire time I sat in my JetBlue seat grumbling, and frantically clicking on the flight tracker to see what part of the USA we were currently flying over. Getting to Europe was a whole lot worse. Poor Sister had been flying since the evening before, and I met up with her at JFK to hop on our AirFrance flight. Mind you I was still on the clock, so I was basically walking through the airport in yoga pants and converse while frantically banging on my laptop. When we got on the plane, my laptop died and I tragically discovered that AirFrance does not have outlets.
Somehow I made it through. After reading a couple of books, pestering Sister awake from her slumber, and eating several meals, (Seriously the best part about international flights is the fact that they feed you a zillion times) we finally arrived in Paris. We’d skipped the night so after leaving NYC at 5PM ET we arrived about seven hours later in Paris at 6AM their time. Obviously because life ain’t always grand, our room wasn’t ready at our hotel when we got their so we did a quick change and made our way to Le Tour Eiffel aka The Eiffel Tower also known as the place of hopes dreams and happiness.
Stairs It Is
Lines and Chocolate Girl are not BFFs. Sister and I arrived at the Eiffel Tower about 10AM on our first day in Paris and there were already several lines of death at every entrance. The shortest one was one where you walked up the tower. No ELEVATOR. Clearly, being the impatient ingrate that I am, I forced poor Sister who is still going though physical therapy from the demise of her knee climb the tower with me. It really wasn’t all that bad. With breaks we climbed the to the second landing in about 30 mins. We squeezed in an elevator line and rode to the very top and then we rode down. On the way back to the hotel, we devoured some not so memorable food and saw the Arc du Triomphe I refused to get too close to it because it stood in the middle of this chaotic circle. I was certain I would be scraped across the street if I were to try and cross without any pedestrian walkway. Plus Sister and I were delirious with exhaustion. We headed back to our hotel were we promptly passed out until dinner time.
An Evening of Boobs & Snakes
I figured that while we were in the City of Light we absolutely had to see the Moulin Rouge show. After reading the Yelp reviews I was a bit hesitant, but I had already paid them my coins months before so I figured what the hell. After dinner sister and I made over to the show. We were promptly seated in the very front right next to the sage with a lovely American and Australian couple. (I know I’m going to sound awful but hearing English was lovely). Champagne bottles were popped and the show commenced. At first, it seemed like we would just be seeing a lot of boobs and dancing (and who am I to complain I love breasts just like the next gal) but then things got much more spicy. We saw, a roller skating couple who preformed flying acrobatics while on skates! I shit you not it FREAKING epic! Some sexy men tumbled about, and then there were SNAKES. Now if you recall, I was seated right next to the stage. I could reach out and touch the dancers I was THAT CLOSE. In the middle of the show the stage suddenly moved back, and from the floor rose a giant water pit full of snakes. Not no baby snakes either, some big ass ridiculous size boas that belong in the Amazon and far away from me. To my horror, a naked lady then promptly walked out on stage and dove the fuck into the tank. Clearly the first thing I did was cover my eyes. If you know me the you know I don’t do horror, scariness or fear NO MA’AM I don’t even like scary movies. But that was not all, it got much worst. One of the snakes had the BLACK NERVE to inch above the water tank during the act, which means the damn snake was about two inches from my face. As I mentioned, sister and I were sitting with two couples, next to me was the lovely American woman. I nearly leaped into her lap. She was a super petite woman probably like a size 2 so, as you can imagine it was not pretty. Luckily, snake tamer gal quickly got her slittery friend in order, I drank a ton more of champagne and I took my but back to the hotel and went to sleep. (Well for a bit, is it weird that my body never adjusted to the time difference I would pass out for like 4 hrs a night and then be wide awake.)
Did I Mention I Don’t Do Lines?
I loved Paris, and considering the fact that I’m normally a Type A walking disaster, I only had one small mini breakdown. Luckily beloved Sister was there to hold me together. The morning after our evening of tits and snakes, Sister and I arose with the sun to venture to Versailles. Our friendly Black Frenchman at the hotel told us it was best not to try and take the subway all the way there, so instead, Sister and I took what would be the equivalent of the Long Island Railroad out to the city. After probably 30 mins of confusion once was got to the train station, we finally sort of figured out what to do and how to get there. Unfortunately we discovered that the damn machine to buy tickets only took coin Euros, and it rejected our lovely debit cards SMH. By this time I was annoyed boots. I told Sister that we would just take a Uber the rest of the way because the entire situation was too difficult, and it was making me feel pressed. (Yes, I’m working on handling my stress in more positive ways…but whatever I’m human and ish.) In response, Sister gave me a grimace of disgust (she’s as cheap as possible, so she was never gonna pay for anybody’s Uber), she then gave me soothing pat on the head and went off on the quest to acquire some coins. After Sister saved the day, we arrived to Versailles in due time, only to run into the longest line of life. Luckily, being the nerds that we are, we’d packed our Kindles for the hour wait. Still there was some excitement. Some rather large girl decided to beat the shit out of her little brother while we were all waiting. Though parents were horrified and humiliated, Sister and I were delighted. (Seriously, this is why children don’t deserve European Vacations.) Anyway, we saw Louie’s fancy house which was crazy opulent and insane, and then we walked about his gardens until we were fatigued to death and dying of hunger. We headed back to Paris for lunch. I got a shrimp salad that was life itself, and ma petite seour got a croquette madame. Then of course a nap happened. For dinner we had an authentic Parisian meal which was AMAZEBALLS and then we puttered about until 11PM (when the sun FINALLY set) and saw the Eiffel Tower light show. (I felt real bad because it was freezing and Sister forgot her sweater, she was a trooper though.) Twas a lovely day.
But, Where’s the Hunchback?
After scarfing down some delicious cheeses and croissants, Sister and I ventured out of our hotel on our last day in Paris in search of the Mona Lisa. After standing in line with our student IDs in hand, and a bunch of tourists who stood WAY TOO CLOSE (listen some people need to learn a thing or two about respecting personal space) we finally made it inside the Louvre to purchase tickets. At the counter, we were promptly told by the bitchy ticket lady that they only gave student discounts to European students. Sister hit her with the “bitch you tried it”, and we promptly moved on to a different line. Though this lady was more kind, she still tried to get 15 Euros from each for us. No Ma’am. Not to see a a notebook paper size picture of a white lady I’ve seen a thousand times before. I hit her with a polite no thanks and Sister and I headed out. (LOL yes that was my Louvre experience but museums are free-ish in NYC, so i just couldn’t bring myself to pay, plus sister had already seen da Vinci’s gal during her previous Euro excursions.) Despite our cheeses and morning breads we were ravenous, so we went off in search of Laduree’s macaroons. (Sister adores macaroons more than life….also during this trip she gonna tell me if we weren’t sisters we wouldn’t be friends!) After finding the place we decided to rest our weary feet and indulge in some Sunday high tea. That was probably one of my favorite moments in Paris, being as bougie as possible and experiencing lovely treats with the sis. I’ve done high teas before at Bergdorf’s but this was a whole new experience.
Post tea (and Sister taking the entire duration of life to pick out the perfect set of macaroons), we went in search of Notre Dame and some souvenirs. Approaching the church, I got caught up with some insane man who was giving out free hugs. Sister saw him immediately (she doesn’t do human contact) and ran away as swiftly as possible. Notre Dame was gothic and what not, but people were loud and rude, plus I felt a way about there being a gift shop in a church. I was also pressed about not seeing the hunchback. (Don’t worry I lit my candle and said my prayer before I left, I know God forgives my foolishness). We rounded out the day with some stunning Italian food and then headed back to our hotel to pack. I would be turning 25 the next day and we were heading South to Nice.
To Be Continued…
xoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxo
Images: Chocolate Girl In the City (8); Giphy(1)