I’ve claimed time and time again that I know nothing about men, and this is still quite true. However, in my twenty-two years of living on this earth I do know two things for certain about the opposite sex.
1. ALL Black men need some form of facial hair.
I’m not sure when or how I discovered this but its true. A goatee on a smooth brown/caramel/chocolate/ vanilla face is everything!!. As much as I love Don Cheadle and House of Lies, his bare face gives me the willies. He looks like a fake plastic doll and it upsets me very much. I can recall the exact day my daddy first came home from the barber without any hair on his face. My mother, sister and I were in the kitchen and I guess I was about twelve. I can still hear my mother gasping and the plate that she was holding going clang in the sink. I just remember my utter shock as I looked at my dad’s bare face for the first time in my life… it was traumatic.
|Don looks like a snake its very weird :/. I feel the same about Obama, perhaps when he finishes this second term he’ll grow it out.
But this post isn’t about facial hair. Nope, this post is about the second and only thing that I know about men (black, white, blue or otherwise).
2. As soon as you become involved with someone or your dating life becomes a bit more interesting, men that you haven’t seen or heard from since you left them in the Underground Railroad, will miraculously being to reappear!!!.
I know this sounds far fetched but ladies (and gents) I promise you this is soooo true!!!. Case in point. I’ve recently put my dating heels back on after a few months hiatus and suddenly my phone is lighting up like the fireworks on NYE. Yesterday alone I got a text from some Negro I NEVER EVEN WENT OUT WITH. Who I talked to on the phone all of ONCE last summer. He’s talking about “How was your NYE?!!!” …..Ninja are you serious?!! I didn’t have his number saved anymore and I had to ask him who it was. Last week, I received a Merry Christmas from a random number. I stupidly assumed it was one of my classmates whose number I forgot to save in my phone. SMH how wrong I was. It ended up being this creepy ninja who I had a fab conversation with who turned out to be a prostitute (literally I have the worst luck sometimes). Then I got a random email from someone who SHOULD NOT be emailing me asking me how I’m doing.
This ALWAYS happens to me, as soon as I get comfortable or I’m interested in new people some dead and buried skeletons come flying out from under the floor boards. Girl…. I’m not here for it. I guess its some type of pheromone that women emit when they’re comfortable. Ponder what I’ve said yourself, I’m sure that this has happened to you on more than one occasion.
Gentlemen perhaps you can provide me with some insight on why ya’ll come popping back up? Is it some twinge in your peen that leads you to pick up the phone after months of no contact? I’m very confused, help a sista out.
Alas, that’s all for now, I’ve just come from le gym and I gotta find some food.
xoxoxoxo Chocolate Girl In the City xoxoxoxoxox