Let me begin this post by clarifying, I probably have no authority on this topic because men confuse me, this is just what I’ve noticed and how I really feel.
So the general public is telling women, Black women in particular that our standards are set too high and that if we continue to look for a “perfect” mate then we are destined to be alone. Honestly, I really don’t know anybody looking for perfection, so in general that seems like a ridiculously inaccurate statement. I know for instance that I’m not perfect, so to seek perfection would therefore be hypocritical. I’m just looking for someone to add his 50% to my 50% (romantical isn’t it?). Alas, while I do not seek perfection I do indeed have standards, but they are no higher then the standards that I set for myself as an individual. I’ll admit that I’ve not always stuck to those standards, and usually in the beginning, the fellow and I get along swimmingly. However, because I’ve lowered my standards things usually implode resulting in foolery.com In the end I usually end up kicking myself for not sticking to my standards in the first place.
Some things simply generally disgust me. Well maybe disgust is a strong word. I’ll just say that for whatever reasons these particular things that some men do turn me off to the maximum power and their is a 99.99% chance that I wouldn’t respond favorably to them if approached. However, to be fair to myself, I’m sure this is true of all members of the human race when it comes to their dating lives. Some things that I generally can’t wrap my mind around are men with nappy braids ( though I do have a slight fetish for dreads :)), those who wear thong toed sandals, men who wear wet wash clothes on their heads in the summer, smokers, men with long fingernails, and men with a general dirty look about them. (Whatever that may mean.)
|I know its HOT but, come on.
However, I’m not a stigler for some other things that many women are a stigler for. Guys I talk to don’t necessarily need to have a college degrees. Let me be real, the majority of the college educated dudes in my age group (especially Black men who attend my university) are diva dudes who wouldn’t know chivalry or how to treat a woman if it slapped them in the face. Its like they actually buy into W.E.B Du Bois idea of the talented tenth, and they seem to be under the illusion that they are God’s gift to Black Women. SMH. But anyway back to what I was saying, I honestly don’t feel that college is for everyone. Some people have the intuition and networking skills to do what they are passionate about without it. However, in that same vain, I also know people (not just men) who completely lack ambition and I find that sad and pathetic. I personally know that I strive to do better and better with each coming year. I also know that I would never be content living paycheck to pay check or a dead end job. (Being comfortable in my opinion means having the means to get all the important stuff taken care of with room to party, shop, travel, etc.) Therefore, I would never be compatible in the long run with someone who was comfortable living that type of lifestyle. Being open does not mean completely throwing away all of your values.
You know what else it totally horrific? BAD KISSERS (Bleech). I dated a guy for a long time who was a bad kisser, silly me I thought it would get better…..yeah it definitely didn’t. Like Samantha said in Le Sex et Le Citie, “if his tongue just lays there then what do you think his … is gonna do?”
I say go ahead people lets set our standards and stick with them, it’ll spare all of us a bunch of hurt feelings in the end. If you don’t date women who wear weaves, or men with kids, or Black women, or White men, or people who eat meat or, New Yorkers or whatever it is that boils your blood I say let it be known. I’m sure the people who fit into those particular categories are more than happy to move on to the next one, instead of dealing with whatever particular hang ups you may have about something that they aren’t gonna change in the foreseeable future.
PS. I wrote the post mostly because I attempted to contemplate talking to perhaps the hoodest dude possible in the hopes of being more open in my dating life. I tried to wrap my head around the hood jewelry, the rims on his car, the permanent black and mild on his ear. But then he gave me a pet name……Blackberry -_-. I knew I couldn’t deal from that moment forward.
xoxoxoxox Chocolate Girl In the City